It is March again. Five years ago in March 2009, I accepted the PhD scholarship offer from UC Davis. I was happy, confident and looking forward to fulfilling my dream in United States. Five years later, I am still on track but what had happened in the last 5 years was far beyond my imagination, probably beyond most people’s imagination.
At the beginning of my study in US, like most of the foreign students, I struggled to adapt to my new life. I registered for 24 units in the first quarter and did not even know that it means homework due every day from Monday to Friday. I did not set back but tried my best and even worked for over 100 hours per week. I had a strong body and used to work out regularly so I never worried too much about my health condition.
In July 2nd, 2011, after having muscular discomfort for a few months, I was sent to the emergency room right after an MRI check. The doctor told me that I had 7 tumors in my brain and the largest one was like a gulf ball. I was speechless, so shocked that I almost felt nothing. I told myself to hang on and keep focus on the immediate issues I needed to deal with. In the first week in the hospital, I prepared the documents for my parents’ visa, dealt with the insurance company and hospital for my treatment and called my friends to help.
Unfortunately, my brain biopsy confirmed the worst. I was diagnosed with Primary Central Nerve System Lymphoma (PCNSL). The rare disease occurs only one out of 10 million populations and my oncologist at UC Davis had never treated this disease before. Quoting from one of the doctors, I had less than 1 percent chance to survive. Suddenly, I had to face death and there was no way I can prepare for it.
One patient helped me. It was in the preparation room for my infusion port implantation. A young guy came in and greeted my surgeon. He introduced himself as a liver cancer patient and he came to say goodbye. The surgery gave him 7 more years to live, and he had no regret in his last 7 years. I was impressed, not only by his words but the peaceful way he delivered it. It was at that moment I knew, if I was going to die, at least I could die peacefully without regret.
For me, the most effective treatment for PCNSL was high dose chemotherapy. Considering my age, I was given the highest dose. Luckily, I transferred to an expert on PCNSL in UCSF and completed 9 rounds of chemo in 6 months. After finishing the entire treatment, my oncologist told me I had 50% chances of survival and if I could be in remission for another 2 years, I would be considered cured.
I was thrilled and grateful that I was able to finish the entire treatment after going through all kinds of serious and debilitating side effects. However, I had to face a new set of difficulties. At the end of the treatment, I owed the hospital over $260,000 dollar and my school insurance was maxed out. As a foreign student, I was not qualified for most of the social assistance either. But I was not scared. I had learned that even in the importance of facing adversity with calm and courage.
Things finally turned towards the good direction. UCSF medical center waived my debts. With the help of my friends, I managed to switch to another group health plan. At the end of 2012 summer, I was able to return to school and I decided to finish my PhD.
Lots of people asked me why I decided to continue my PhD. For me it is obvious. The most heartbreaking nightmare for cancer patients is not just simple death but the deprivation of their normal lives. I saw in the hematology department many patients decorated their rooms like home. One of my roommates insisted on wearing his own pajamas rather than hospital gown, and even went out for sushi in the middle of chemo infusion. Once I was able to go back to my normal life, continuing my studies is a natural choice.
I know my life can only be harder in the future. I am not worried though. Whatever you are, president of U.S. or African refugee, you will encounter your own obstacles. Luckily, I have learned that even in the worst case, I have the courage to fight for a better more meaningful life.
Peter